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  • Entitlement.. paying for the date?

    Discussion in 'Over Age 35' started by carmenkyle, Sep 19, 2012.

    1. carmenkyle

      carmenkyle Well-Known Member

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      I am curious as to your opinions on this matter. I went out on a date with a lady last week. I asked her out and she accepted so I felt like it was my responsibility to pay for our evening. I really didn't feel a connection after only a few minutes, and I know she felt the same. I figured well I will give it a shot and see what happens, who knows, at the very least will go out and have a nice evening. She was a very rude date though, on her cell phone half the time talking and texting, also fairly blunt and rude to our waitress, it just wasn't very nice. Now we are both adults, I figure even not hitting it off we could just enjoy the night, and have fun, but I guess not.

      Nothing was wrong on our date, just normal conversation, trying to enjoy the evening. There was nothing controversial going on, just rudeness on her part. Towards the end of our meal she offered to pay for herself, but I said no "I will pay for dinner" and I did. Later though I got to thinking, would it have been justified to make her pay for herself? Now like I said it has nothing to do with us not clicking, but her behavior was terrible and down right rude to me and others that came into contact with her (bartender while we waited for a table, the waitress). Why should I pay for someone who is acting so inappropriate? Like I said I turned down her offer to pay, and took up the bill myself, but I am curious as to some public opinion on whether or not it would ever be justifiable to tell a person on a date, "you know when you act like this you can pick up your own tab?" There was no reason for the bad behavior except she was just rude.

       
    2. fa2nzg

      fa2nzg Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      Idk I'm kinda old fashioned I'd probably still pay but if she was that rude I might have blown off dinner
       
    3. masoven4u

      masoven4u Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      LOL @ a pre nup for a date.

      Sorry bro, but its the risk you take.
      If she offered to pay then that was your chance.

      Hindsight is always 20/20 ~ Megadeath
       
    4. crormaSoila18

      crormaSoila18 Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      I would always pay half on a first date so that there aren't any "obligations". My mindset is that you pay your own way, especially if you haven't met before. If you decide on the night that you want to pay for her then just do it without making a big deal out of it. When I've paid for meals I sneak off and pay for it without them realising, so you don't have to have that whole "who's paying" conversation.
       
    5. Canellesao

      Canellesao Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      It was never a who's paying kind of deal, I fully intended too pay right from the start, and I did without any fuss or conversation about it. I felt it was my obligation too especially since I initiated the date. Money is not an issue here at all, what I am wondering is what public opinion is on dates with such rude behavior like this, especially when it is not warranted at all.
       
    6. pustehull

      pustehull Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      I was on a date with a girl that I was really interested in. She seemed witty and nice and very outgoing. While we were ordering our food she was stupidly rude to our waitress. I simply stood up and said "You are quite unpleasant" and walked out. I left her there. I have no idea what happened to her.

      I also once left a girl in the parking lot of the Fox Theater in Atlanta after an REM concert because she was trying to convince me that black people had nothing to do with the development of Rock and Roll. She was not only misinformed, but also a bit racist. I have no idea what happened to her either.

      So, Matt, I am of the opinion that you were a gentleman for paying for her meal, but you would have been all right with me if you had let her pay, and/or catch a cab.
       
    7. baletki

      baletki Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      I think that since you asked her out, you did the right thing by paying even tho she was not the best company. That's Wisconsin biznatches for ya. I take it there won't be a second date.
       
    8. suighja

      suighja Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      If you are more traditional or have some rule that says if you initiated the date then you have to pay, then you pay.
      Being who you are should not be conditional on how others behave. imo

      You took a chance and she ended up a dud, it happens.
       
    9. vijugati8g

      vijugati8g Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      Thanks Eomrat, yes I understand what you are saying here too. Paying for the dinner in this situation is not a matter of money but more a matter of principal. I guess afterwards I got to thinking that if I had been an observer of the date, someone on the outside looking in I would have thought "man I wouldn't blame that guy if he just got up and left."
       
    10. fa2nzg

      fa2nzg Well-Known Member

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      Entitlement.. paying for the date?

      Ask out a lot more girls and start dating new ones on a regular basis, and this won't seem like a big deal. Ask them to meet for coffee or a drink first if you're worried about paying for dinner. If things are going well, ask them out to dinner at that point.

      I had a lot of first dates this year. Some led to a short term sex thing, some led to friendships, and some went a little like the one you described. It's no big deal if you don't get emotionally invested before the date actually happens. I'd rather pay for the date and be nice about things no matter how it goes. That's just me. If she's rude and there isn't a connection for whatever reason, there's someone else waiting to meet you soon. You never know, she might be rude on the first date but end up being a friend who introduces you to her friends. That happened to me a few months ago.

      As much fun as the dating world can be, I'm happy to be out of it for now. I haven't been interested in meeting anyone new for over a month now. I don't know for sure where this is going, but it's looking good at the moment. That's what happens when you keep trying to meet new girls. Eventually you meet someone you want to stay with.
       

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