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  • 50 Shades of Chav

    Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Raleoxilevz, Jul 3, 2012.

    1. Raleoxilevz

      Raleoxilevz Well-Known Member

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      ( Apologies if this has been posted already but search came up with zero)

      50 Shades Of Chav : "As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight. It was his birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle.

      I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called Th...e Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.

      Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you.
      As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there he was. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.

      My mum had told me to leave him many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had wonderfully fluffed his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections
       
    2. parnassto

      parnassto Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      lol
       
    3. casse

      casse Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Submit it to a publishing house.....bestseller there.
       
    4. suighja

      suighja Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Lol absolute quality!
       
    5. remstation

      remstation Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Haha
       
    6. jailynn24hb

      jailynn24hb Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Thats amazing, I would definitely buy that
       
    7. baletki

      baletki Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      I just sent this to the birds at work who all bang on about that bloody book all day and they thought it was hilarious..... Reps.
       
    8. vijugati8g

      vijugati8g Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Hah! Quality
       
    9. Canellesao

      Canellesao Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      Awesome!!!
       
    10. laxgoaliesrhs

      laxgoaliesrhs Well-Known Member

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      50 Shades of Chav

      x2
       
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